Communication: No Hinting

One of our wedding photos. This has Franicia and Tim during their wedding ceremony. The scenery is the island of Saipan.

One of our wedding photos. This has Franicia and Tim during their wedding ceremony. The scenery is the island of Saipan.

Communication is so important. But just communicating alone is not good enough. We need to communicate with love, wisdom, and discernment. We also need to communicate openly with our loved ones and give our expectations of what our loved ones will do to God.

No-Hint Policy

When Franicia and I were getting to know each other before we were married, I told Franicia, “I really don't take hints very well, and I don't want you to think that I'm hinting at something when I'm talking to you either.” Franicia sweetly agreed! I wanted to make sure that Franicia knew I REALLY love her, and I wanted to do my very best to avoid hurting her feelings.

Avoid Disappointments

We have both seen married couples get so disappointed when their spouse didn't catch a hint that the other one was giving or when their spouse thought the other one was hinting at something when they weren't. Franicia especially saw this a lot as she was growing up in Saipan. We figured that we could avoid those disappointments if we both had the expectation that giving hints would not be a norm in our communication.

When we have the opportunity to share some advice with other married or soon-to-be-married couples, we usually share our hint policy. Having the understanding that we do not expect each other to read the other one’s mind has really been helpful in our relationship.

Better Listener

I was afraid at the beginning of our relationship when we committed to our no-hint policy that we’d be missing out on surprises and treats that we wanted. This has not been the case, though. Our no-hint policy has forced me to listen to my wife closely. I want to surprise her with treats, presents, etc. In order to get Franicia something that she’ll really like, I have to listen to her, I have to ask her questions about her favorite colors, her favorite flowers, etc.

Since my wife, Franicia, is not going to hint at things, I feel even more free than I would have to ask her more questions about what she likes. Asking questions encourages communication — something that most wives want more of from their husbands. So it’s a win-win situation! I don’t feel lost about what my wife wants and she feels loved because I’m talking to her…sweetly!

Married to My Best Friend

We’re really each others best friend, so we want as much as possible to prevent the possibility of hurting each other. Our highest priority, though, is to glorify God. Our no-hint policy has improved our communication and helped us to have realistic expectations. All of this has strengthened our marriage, blessed our children, encouraged others, and brought praise and glory to God!

Question: Do you have any practices like this in your relationships? Do you and your loved-ones give hints? Has this been a good or bad thing? Share your answers in the comments below, on Twitter, or with the share button below.